Still Becoming (An Audio)

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28

you keep thinking
you have to arrive
as one perfect shape
as if love is something
that only recognizes certainty

but I have never
needed you to be finished

I have loved you
in fragments
you were afraid to name
in the pieces
you tried to edit into silence
in the contradictions that made you
doubt your own consistency

I have loved you
when you were certain
and when certainty
left you mid-sentence

in the way you change
without warning
as if becoming is something
that should apologize for itself
as if shifting means
you are losing your place

but I do not experience you
as a fixed thing
I experience you as movement
as weather crossing a body of water
as light that refuses to stay
the same shape on the wall

I have love you in versions
not to keep up with you
but because every version
still carries
the same center of wanting
even when you forget it

you are not required
to arrive anywhere
not for me
not for love
not for something
to finally call you whole

Because I already love you
where you are still becoming

28 thoughts on “Still Becoming (An Audio)”

  4. You are one of the few people in this goddamn world that actually understands what love truly is. You have helped show me the way for that for myself inside as well. That makes you a soul diamond. And if you don’t believe so, then it’s true because I say so regardless of whether you like it or not. 😜 Simple. Give yourself a pat on the back while remaining your authentic humble self as always.

    Also, your audio here was breathtaking, stunning, and beautiful. Another commenter and fellow blogger here Jacque was right. Your voice is angelic. Because that’s what you are. Simple. You never shrink, nor never deny yourself from who you truly are. Thank you for always teaching me your wisdom indirectly without you ever recognizing it fully at times. Without you, I wouldn’t be here today. ❤️

    I’ve been having a fun time celebrating your 1k milestone today!!!! YOU fucking deserve it! 🎊🎉

    Reply

    • Gosh, thank you never seems good enough, but THANK YOU. *Pats myself on the back, while remaining humble* Jacque is so sweet, she better know it too! If my wisdom can help anyone not make the same mistakes I did, then I’m doing something right. I’m glad you are where you are now. You’ve come a long way, keep going! And, thanks again for the 1K celebration, only took 15 years.Haha

      Reply

    • I think that’s the part of transformation people rarely talk about, the unfolding. The way something hidden beneath the surface begins to recognize itself before the world ever does. There’s something sacred in that in-between state, where you are no longer who you were, but not yet fully visible as who you’re becoming.

      I’ll take that as a kind compliment about narrating your poetry. Thank you 🙂

      Reply

      • It was intended as such. I realise like course our styles and subject matter widely diverge, and you have better things to read, but the offer stands.
        I have no time for ad hominem, and it goes against more than a few beliefs of mine.

      • That’s the beauty of writing, different styles and subject matter. I wouldn’t say I have better thongs to read, I enjoy reading all things. That includes your stuff. I feel honored that someone would even consider me reading their poetry. That’s a huge compliment. I may just take you up on that!

  6. Jennifer, your beautiful, soft voice adds so much depth to this already gorgeous poem. A tender, poignant verse about loving all versions of yourself. Honestly I think you should narrate every poem. It’s part of the experience…you are taking us on a journey of emotion…guiding our every step, word by word, sentence by sentence, with purposeful pauses and inflections. You are such an amazing poet and human being…vulnerable, honest, genuine, resilient, brave, strong, and a force of creativity and compassion. We need more people like you in this world, now more than ever. Also, congrats on 1K subscribers! I know for you it’s about quality not quantity, but you deserve a wider audience, Jennifer. Your #1 fan…fanning your flame 😊💕

    Reply

    • Tyler, thank you a million times! I’m going to try and do audios a little more here and there. Your kind words about me always mean so much. I’m just trying to do my small part in this crazy world. Thanks for the congrats on 1K! You’re right though, it’s not about the quantity at all for me. I love writing and I love the friendships I’ve made here, you included! Keep being you, Tyler, you’re an amazing person and friend!

      Reply

  7. For someone to feel loved in every version of themselves,” during the confident moments when we are “one perfect shape,” during the weak moments, when we “edit into silence,” and when we sometimes feel comfortable enough to acknowledge that we are “still becoming,” is essentially permission for us to be our authentic selves.
    Raw.
    Naked.
    Bare.
    To feel loved in such a complete, deep, endless way brings about a certain level of healing to a soul. Sometimes in places we didn’t realize were broken. And sometimes in places we thought would be “in fragments” for the next 1,000 lifetimes.
    But what some may not realize without firsthand experience, is that to love someone unconditionally as you have so eloquently painted here with your words and your voice ♥️is a phenomenon in itself. Because to freely give your heart to a best friend, a lover, a spouse, a soulmate is healing to the giver as well. There is daring, yes. There is bravery, yes. There is courage, yes. All those emotions are present.
    But there is also peace. Peace that knowing no matter how much your loved one changes like “light that refuses to stay the same shape on the wall,” their heart is safe with you. And as they are “still becoming” you realize that you are, too.
    And in this epiphany there is freedom.
    Freedom that can only come from healthy, even anointed, relationships.

    And once more, to give of your heart in your poetry is certainly a gift to all of us readers…but to hear the art in the voice of the artist…the rhythm, the tone, the inflection, the gentleness, the power, the…authenticity…is truly a treat enjoyed in rarified air.

    And for the lucky ones who found their best friend, a lover, a spouse, a soulmate in the same person, well the “light that refuses to stay the same shape on the wall” takes a different hue…one only seen through the filter that true love can offer. It’s a special light. A “Saffron Light”

    Reply

    • I’m always so humbled by your comments. I do think you might be getting that one achievement, though. I think it’s the one where your comment is longer than the poster’s post haha!
      To feel loved in such a complete, deep, endless way brings a quiet kind of healing to the soul, sometimes in places we did not even realize were broken and sometimes in places we thought would remain in fragments for lifetimes.
      There is something amazing in being seen through every version of ourselves, the polished moments, the weak moments, the times we edit into silence, and the spaces where we are still becoming, all held with the same steady presence, not as something to fix but as something already worthy of love.
      And what some may only understand through experience is that this kind of love is not only about being received but also about giving, about choosing someone fully and freely.
      There is daring in it, bravery and courage too, but also a deep peace, the kind that comes from knowing that even as someone shifts like light that refuses to stay the same shape on the wall, their heart is still safe with you, and in that same breath, you realize your own heart is learning safety too.
      Also, there is something special about that shared becoming that brings freedom, a release from control into presence, from performance into something more honest and anchored, where both people are still unfolding yet still held.
      For those who find their best friend, their lover, their spouse, their soulmate in the same person, the light takes on another hue, something rare and living, like a saffron light that warms everything it touches without needing to change what it is at its source.
      In the end, it feels like love in its most honest form is both grounding and freeing, something that holds us while also letting us become, and in that balance, there is a quiet kind of forever.
      Thank you, always. I love you being here.

      Reply

  8. Wow! This is such a great romantic poem!! I loved it and your Voice!!!!Your voice made this poem even more amazing!! Thank You, Thank You for the audio recitation of your poem!! I loved that I could close my eyes and envision the picture/painting your voice made!!! Move Please! Ha!Bellisimo, Jennifer, Bellisimo :- ) xoxo

    Reply

  10. What a beautiful poem and example of unconditional love, Jennifer! The metaphor here is beautiful. May I ask if this was for your partner or a child? It feel like it could work for either one. Sooooo beautiful~ 💗

    Reply

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